Okay, here's the thing I'm confused about: sometimes I get group e-mails or text messages from people, asking a broad question to the group, or needing input or information on something, and the tag line usually is something like, "Hey, if you want to go," or "Hey, if you have any input on this, please let me know." Then, if I don't respond because I don't want to go or I don't have any input on whatever it is, they'll e-mail or text me later with something like, "Hey, didn't hear from you on this and just wanted to make sure you aren't coming," or "Hey, didn't hear from you on this and just wanted to make sure you didn't have anything to add."
Whoa, wait a minute, didn't you say in the earlier e-mail that if I wanted to go or had input I should respond? Doesn't my lack of response clue you in that I don't want to go or don't have anything to add to whatever it is? I'm confused. How is it that I now have to e-mail you to tell you I don't want to go or don't have anything to say, when your original requirement was that I only e-mail you if I did want to go or did have input?! You're changing the rules on me in mid-stream here. Now, if the original line had been something like, "Please let me know whether you're going or not," or "Please let me know whether you have anything to add to this or not," I would have known I was supposed to respond either way.
Now I've got to e-mail you back anyway, and I'm very confused and slightly frustrated.
5 comments:
That's because in this world of technology and its attendant glitches and frequent failures, they want to know if you even GOT their email. All too often they don't hear back from you, assume you therefore don't want to go, the event occurs and afterward they find out you really would love to have gone if only you had been invited, but you didn't get the email, and now you're all offended and the two of you never speak again...you get the point. So deal with it. The "reply" button is not that hard to hit, and it takes two seconds to say, "thank you but I won't be able to make it."
I understand your peeve, really I do. But since you are a friend, or part of the group, or whatever, communication is a fair obligation and a reasonable expectation on both sides. It's a rough world, so let's just do our best to make it smoother.
Here's the thing...you usually ALWAYS respond. I think what is throwing them, is that you haven't responded so they think that you probably didn't receive it or forgot. But probably more than all that, there are expectations on both sides that are not being met.
Also, there are several people in our group of friends who DO NOT ever respond if they are coming and just show up even when you specifically ask them to respond and so you don't ever know how to prepare unless you ask people specifically. Maybe the problem here is that we are making it too easy for people to not have to make up their minds or commit to something for fear that a better option might come up or wanting to know who is or isn't going to be there.
Anonymous: Okay, there are couple of things I need to respond to. First, I feel like you're very passionate about this posting, and perhaps you feel like maybe it was directed at you personally. If that's the case, or if I've hurt you, I apologize. Honestly, this wasn't directed at anyone specifically. I get e-mails and texts like this from people I work with, people I know who live in other cities, etc., so please don't read more into it than is there.
Second, I totally agree with your point about the heart behind it, and I'm FOR that! My only question would be, why not just say that from the beginning? Does that make sense? I'm not arguing the motivation, I'm arguing against the wording being used. Just say, "Hey, I want a response either way," to begin with, and this problem is solved. Then, yes, you're right, the obligation is on me to respond. But, if the sender doesn't ask that, I'm not under obligation to respond.
Third, the fact that you and I are arguing about this, and I can't know who you are, seems unfair to me. There is way too much drama in my life right now to add a debate with an anonymous person out there somewhere in cyberspace. At one point last night I was thinking about shutting the whole blog down, but instead, I'm just going to close it to anonymous postings. I want you to continue to give your feedback, but I really want you to do it openly, so please get an ID and continue on!
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