Hard to Love

Last night, I came home, and let Radley (my roommate's dog) out. I started changing clothes, and he did what he always does when we first get home, he came up to me, got as close as he could, and laid down in the floor. Clear signs that he was ready to be petted. I got changed, and decided to oblige. I got down on the floor and started petting him. Then, he did something that he's started doing more and more lately. He put his paw on my arm and started pushing me away. It's the most bizarre thing. He wants to be petted, he loves to be petted, he will interrupt whatever you're doing to let you know that he wants attention and love, and yet, when you try to do all things, when you try to give him the love he's wanting and asking for, he pushes you away. I almost don't understand. . . almost.

Here's the thing: this is what Christians do with those we're in community with all the time. We say we want true, close, authentic community. We say we want people to love us for who we are, and to get into our lives, and be close to us, and yet, so often when that happens, our first instinct is to put out our "paws" and push them away. It's like we're saying, "You can get close, but not too close," or "As long as your love and affection is on my terms, then we're fine. Just don't over do it." Maybe it's the fact that we know the closer people get, the more our sin will be exposed. Maybe we do that with people because that's what we do with God. I'm not sure.

My prayer is that I will always be someone who is always ready, when someone I'm in community needs to be shown love, that I will fight their attempts to push me away, and that I'll never tire of doing it all over again the next time they ask. And I hope I always have people in my life like that who will do the same.